


All I Need to Hear

by FandomQueen922



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Tons of drama, Very dramatic stuff, just drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2716340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomQueen922/pseuds/FandomQueen922
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas know how they feel about each other, they just don't know how to be anything but dramatic about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Need to Hear

I’m sick of pretending that I’m not staring at him. I’m sick of thinking about him all the time. He’s ruined me. I can never feel like an angel again because of his the way his eyes make me feel.

But I am amazingly happy about this fact. I don’t want to be an angel if it means giving that feeling up. He must understand that I may have given up my wings but I can still feel my heart soar under his gaze. He doesn’t know how I feel yet and I’m not sure how much he is willing to let himself feel, but I must try to make him see why I fell. I try all the time to convey what I’m thinking but he makes my brain stop and I can’t move, can’t breathe, I can only _feel_.

**Cas was sitting in the bunker’s library pretending to read, but he could feel Dean’s eyes burning holes through the Thoreau essay that was covering the bottom half of his face. Cas finally looked up and smiled at Dean while the other man blushed and turned away.**

_I’m sick of pretending I don’t feel guilty about this. He’s human now and he can’t be saved the way he saved me. I can hardly stand to look at his face anymore. He smiles kindly everytime our eyes meet and I can’t take the devil’s voice inside my mind telling me that he hates me no matter how much he smiles and no matter how much I love him._

_Yes, I love him. I can’t be away from him and yet I can’t bear to look. He could never love me back after what happened to him. I don’t… no. I can’t believe in my own happy ending when all I’ve had to live through led to nothing but pain and death. I can never love him because I hurt everything I love and he can never love me because he knows that. He’s always known. Yet he has always seemed to love me._

**Grabbing a copy of Cat’s Cradle, Dean went and sat on the chair next to Cas, setting his gaze upon him instead of Vonnegut.**

He thinks he kills everyone he loves yet if I know one thing it’s that he doesn’t kill them with pain. He kills them with love. And I would rather die of loving him than live this mortal life without knowing if he loves me. I have to know either way.

**Cas tried to focus on the words in front of him.**

_He thinks I don’t know how he feels. Of course I know. I know because he stares the same way I wish I could. His eyes kill me. And I would rather die having saved him than live this mortal life having killed him with loving. I never want to know either way._

**Cas finally gave up, slamming the book shut and turning to Dean with a determined look on his face.**

“Dean?”

_“Yeah Cas?”_

“I have something to tell you. Something important.”

_“Cas I don’t think-”_

“Don’t think, Dean, just listen. Ever since I fell you’ve looked at me like I am some broken, helpless animal. I’m not-”

_“I know, Cas.”_

“Do you know though? Do you really see that I am going to be okay and that maybe I am happy about not having to be an angel anymore? Do you know how long I’ve been thinking about telling you that I-”

_“Cas, please, don’t. You know I can’t be what you want me to be.”_

“Dean, I don’t care what you can or can’t say. I’m showing you that I can say what we’ve been tiptoeing around for years. Dean Winchester, I love you. I fell for you long before my grace was taken. I put my hand on you in hell and put you back together. And I will never stop loving you because I have tried to stop. When other angels would get upset or violent because of how I felt, I tried to stop, but I couldn’t. Believe me. And I won’t die because of how you feel. I’ve done that so many times, you know I’ll come back. I will always come back for you.”

**Dean’s brow furrowed as he contemplated what Cas had said.**

_“Cas, I don’t know what to do. What do you want me to do about this? Just let you die for loving me? Let you die like everyone else I love? How could I let that happen? Why would I do that to you? You know how I feel and I know how you feel, but you know we can’t… I can’t let you go just because of my feelings.”_

“Don’t let me go then. Have I not proven capable of saving myself before?”

_“Of course you’re capable, Cas, but I wouldn’t be capable of living without you. I would rather live a life with you as my friend than watch you die as the man I love.”_

“Do I not get a say in this decision?”

_“It’s not your decision to make.”_

“How can you say that? Aren’t I in love with you as well? I deserve just as much of a choice as you. And my choice is already made. I don’t want to face you if you don’t want to be with me.”

_“What are you saying?”_

“I wouldn’t be able to bear watching you as you deny your feelings even after you admit them now. If you want me like I know you do, then I desperately want to stay because you are my reason to stay. But if you still wish to sit there, telling me that you can’t feel what you already know in your heart, then I can’t stay. You must understand.”

**Dean paused before answering.**

“ _I wish I didn’t understand. I need some time to think and to cool down. I think you need that too. Sam and I will go on a case for a day or two, and then when we get back we can talk about this again. Please, Cas, stay just a couple days. Just stay.”_

**The tension faded and the two realized how close their faces had gotten from the other. They backed away a step.**

“I think that would be wise. Did Sam find a case this morning?”

_“Yeah. quick little salt and burn a state or so away.”_

“When will you leave?”

_“Tonight, tomorrow morning at the latest.”_

“Alright. Please stay safe, Dean.”

_“I’ll be back in a couple days, I promise.”_

**Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas’s forehead before turning to pack the car.**

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

**Dean and Sam left that evening without Cas, much to Sam’s confusion. The next morning, Cas’s phone buzzed with a text from Sam**

You know he loves you more than anything, right?

I know. I just wish he could let himself feel that way.

No kidding. It’s like watching my brother sell his soul all over again.

He can barely focus and I don’t want him getting hurt.

Keep him safe, Sam.

I will.

**Cas didn’t hear anything else until the next day around noon when the Impala’s engine came roaring down the road. The door to the kitchen swung open to reveal Dean with a bruised jaw and a wrapped up wrist. Cas rushed over to him and pulled out a chair at the table. They sat knee to knee, facing each other.**

“What happened?”

_“Ghost jedi’d me into a gravestone, I hit my wrist on the edge of it. I fell over onto one of those plaque things and hit my jaw. Bruised the bone in my wrist, my jaw will be alright in a couple days.”_

“But you two got rid of it?”

_“Yeah. That sucker’s long gone.”_

“Sam?”

_“Went to his room. The guy drove the whole way, and he was exhausted before we even started driving.”_

“Oh. Well at least you’re both alright.”

**They slipped into silence as each thought of what to say next.**

_“Cas, I should apologize. I was jerk the other day for not listening to what you were telling me. You do deserve to have a voice in this decision.”_

“Do you need my voice or have you already chosen?”

_“I have made a choice, but I want to hear what you have to say.”_

“You heard it all before you left. And no matter which way you choose, I will always love you, Dean.”

_“That was all I needed to hear.”_

**Dean grabbed the back Cas’s neck with his uninjured hand, connecting their lips. Cas was surprised, but reciprocated immediately by grabbing Dean’s sides, yanking him closer. Dean opened his mouth, and Cas followed his motions as they slid their tongues together. It was the kind of kiss that gave Dean butterflies and made his lungs burn from lack of oxygen. It was the kind of kiss that seemed to last forever in the moment and seem far too short once they broke apart. They put their foreheads together, panting and smiling like the fools that they were for not giving in sooner. It would be okay, they knew it would be.**

_“I love you, Cas.”_

“That was all I needed to hear.”

**Author's Note:**

> I almost made Dean die. I think I'm glad I didn't.


End file.
